Jeez, it’s getting closer. I mean, it was always getting closer, but then it started getting close, and now it’s even closer than close.
There is a lot to be apprehensive about, and a lot to be excited about. Overall, though, I find myself oddly…mellow. This could be the exhaustion. It could be all the feelings just cancelling each other out. Or it could be my characteristic tendency to reserve judgement. To wait and see.
Some things are just so different from anything you’ve experienced that you’ll never truly be able to imagine them. You can indulge in fantasies, and you can extrapolate from the recounting of others, but really, there’s no accuracy in that. And for the most part I see that as a waste of energy. So, of course, I’ve thought about what it will be like when Malachi enters the world at large, but I haven’t invested too much time or energy into it.
I don’t want to fall into the trap of expectation. I know what I’m aiming for, both during the birth and, more long term, as we raise him, but I have no idea what challenges I will face; physically, emotionally, logistically or otherwise. And I’m not going to guess about it.
Some day very soon, everything will change. And that’s about all I need to know. We’ve made our preparations. Now we wait…