Recently, I talked about misplaced sympathy. But, actually, I think I have a bit of a problem with even arguably well-placed sympathy. Sympathy, to me, is a crutch for people incapable of empathy. There is a world of difference between “aw, poor dear” and “there, but for the grace of God, go I”. Sympathy is… Read More »Sympathy
I like to talk about my problems. To give voice to them. To allow them to exist. To own them. To be honest about them. It lets me feel free. It reminds me that I expand far beyond the bounds of my problems. I use this as a place to talk about my problems quite… Read More »A problem shared
I’ve been watching a lot of stand up comedy lately; mostly to pacify my building anxiety about the masters thesis I’m procrastinating, and maybe a little bit so I didn’t just get my 3 year old a Netflix subscription. If I cancelled his subscription and spent that time working instead I’d probably be a much… Read More »Truth tellers
My last post made me feel a little bit vulnerable. Like I wanted someone who actually knew Adam to tell me it was okay to talk about him like that. Like the idea of showing it to them made me want to crawl into a hole and cover myself with mud. I have learned throughout… Read More »In Spirit
I have a habit of giving my power away in the very moments when I should claim it. No, it’s not a habit. It’s a deeply embedded instinct for survival that, presumably, at some point, served me, but no longer makes any sense in my life. I’m very clear with myself that I’m responsible for… Read More »My face, their shit.
I think I’m sliding into a new awareness of myself in relation to others. It’s too subtle to call a levelling up, but I’m hoping I’ve at least passed a checkpoint, because I don’t want to have to do these past few weeks over. I’m in an awkward phase right now where I’m feeling the… Read More »Tough love
I’m a Gemini. To use astrology in its most reductive form. I don’t know how much weight I put in that, but obviously I put some. All mutable signs have a reputation for being indecisive, but Gemini is The Twins – and right now I feel like I have two opposing advocates living in my… Read More »The Twins
I have a bad habit of seeking validation for my point of view. I used to be offputtingly defensive, which I have come to understand was a necessary way of protecting myself from harmful and erosive influences. It allowed me to uphold boundaries, albeit it in an overly rigid, dysfunctional way. I used to keep… Read More »Get off my lawn
Something I have been thinking about quite a lot lately is how we can tell someone something with complete openness and honesty, and they can still receive something totally misleading. Effective communication is about so much more than telling the truth. We need to be able to anticipate how the other person will hear our… Read More »A shared language
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. I’m bad at boundaries. Most people I know are bad at boundaries. Is that because most people are bad at boundaries? Or because only people who are bad at boundaries can tolerate people who are bad at boundaries? I notice, when I try to instate or uphold healthy boundaries, that a lot… Read More »Straight lines