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Confessions

Keep The Faith

Some of my most vivid early childhood memories are of Bon Jovi VHS tapes. Mostly I watched them. Sometimes I played with them. Sometimes I simply laid them on the floor and admired them. Those memories hit me as I started watching the new Bon Jovi docuseries. I knew they were there, I suppose, but… Read More »Keep The Faith

Lex

For my nineteenth birthday, I dragged my friends to a rock bar, and then a rock club, drank a likely obscene amount of vodka, put eyeliner on my bandmate, and moshed the night away with a big guy with a mohawk. Maybe I made out with him, that sounds like teenage me, but I don’t… Read More »Lex

The right metric

Before I quit my job I worked in data analytics. I wasn’t quite a wizard, but I could certainly baffle the townsfolk with my fine displays. I enjoy playing with metrics. So I thought, at first, I would keep doing that, at least for a while. That data wrangling would be how I made my… Read More »The right metric

The nature of the waves

I’ve done it again. I’ve been hoarding drafts. Things always seem, for me, to come in waves. The urge swells from within, breaches the surface, breaks, then dissipates. And I am left waiting for the next one. In all things, this seems to be the way, and no matter what I do, I don’t seem… Read More »The nature of the waves

Bad Jokes

Once Upon A Time in 2022, my friend had a hen party on my birthday. The details aren’t especially important to the story, but I like the way the sentence sounds. As part of the preparation for the hen party, we compiled a party playlist. Now, I contributed some excellent specimens to the list; from… Read More »Bad Jokes

Art.

Something I have been trying to let myself do more lately is Art. Real art. Not just writing, or poetry, or fiction. Not just creative output, but art. Trying to give my words the space to become more than they already are. For some people, this is the only way, but for me, the inclination… Read More »Art.

Accounting

Something I have thought about quite a lot over the years is how, as a youngster, I lacked accountability. I was terrified of the consequences of being found out to have made a mistake, and I lived in an environment which made it easy not to be discovered. Culpability became this black box of horror… Read More »Accounting

A strange compromise

I don’t know what to do with this world. I don’t know what to do in it. I don’t seem to have the constitution, the circumstances, the expertise to contribute solutions to its biggest problems. I care deeply, but am impotent. The best I can muster is often to reassess the organisations I donate meagre… Read More »A strange compromise

Oops

I don’t like it here now. Environment dictates our behaviour and I have created a space I don’t want to be in. This was why I’d paid for someone else to handle the environment. But then I became dissatisfied with fine and wanted better. And then I remembered how much effort better was. How many… Read More »Oops

Who am I to be?

I’m at an interesting place in my life. A place of dissatisfaction, curiosity, boredom, frustration, possibility, confusion, excitement, resignation…a lot of strands of experience are coalescing into my present moment. It started with an unavailable man. Most of my stories start with unavailable men. I had been annoyed that I hadn’t been able to find… Read More »Who am I to be?