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personal growth

Keep The Faith

Some of my most vivid early childhood memories are of Bon Jovi VHS tapes. Mostly I watched them. Sometimes I played with them. Sometimes I simply laid them on the floor and admired them. Those memories hit me as I started watching the new Bon Jovi docuseries. I knew they were there, I suppose, but… Read More »Keep The Faith

Wherever you go

The one thing I wanted as a kid was to get out of my town. I hated it. It symbolised entrapment, drudgery, isolation, futility. I dreamed of running away, or being abducted, or the apocalypse coming and embarking on some barren adventure through the wastes of a scorched earth. Yes, I fucking loved Fallout as… Read More »Wherever you go

The right metric

Before I quit my job I worked in data analytics. I wasn’t quite a wizard, but I could certainly baffle the townsfolk with my fine displays. I enjoy playing with metrics. So I thought, at first, I would keep doing that, at least for a while. That data wrangling would be how I made my… Read More »The right metric

Professional human

In all areas of our life, we humans seek to connect with other humans. This is a fact I know very well intellectually, but have been quite poor at integrating. You see, historically, I have had a tendency to corral myself into roles that I then have trouble switching out of. The professional. The host.… Read More »Professional human

Seven years, five lessons

I have been…’blogging’…here for nigh on seven years. Sometimes it was daily, sometimes I disappeared for months at a time. Sometimes I told my dearest stories, sometimes I barely scraped together a meaningful sentence. Always it was for me and no-one else, and always the potentially public nature of it was inexplicably important. Why? Why… Read More »Seven years, five lessons

Interesting choices

I tried TikTok once. As in I tried making some TikToks. It was a short-lived effort because it was an all-consuming dopamine farm with very little real-world utility. Just another carcass in the elephant graveyard of my endeavours. But I just looked back on them. And I like them. I like me in them. I’m… Read More »Interesting choices

Precious thing

I have a tendency to burn through things. I ‘ve alluded to this a few times here – I believed it was simply an occupational hazard of living in my brain. But I think I’m starting to understand something different. I don’t think the burnout is inevitable. I think it might be a side-effect of… Read More »Precious thing

Flare

I’ve told a lot of stories on this blog about why this blog exists. They’re all true. Even if they contradict each other, they’re all true. Humans are stupid like that – we’re clumsy walking paradoxes. But one reason, which I think I’ve held closer to my chest than the others, is that I think… Read More »Flare

Accounting

Something I have thought about quite a lot over the years is how, as a youngster, I lacked accountability. I was terrified of the consequences of being found out to have made a mistake, and I lived in an environment which made it easy not to be discovered. Culpability became this black box of horror… Read More »Accounting

Running through

I have been running again lately. Not a lot, just weekly for about 40 minutes. And I have a running playlist for when I do the running. David Goggins says listening to music while running is cheating, and I am inclined to agree. It is much easier to run when you’re listening to the right… Read More »Running through