There are many quirks of my psyche that I tussle with myself over whether to embrace or reject.
One of those is that I do better, functionally, if I believe there is someone watching me at all times. If I imagine seeing myself, my words and my actions through their eyes, then my self, my words and my actions improve.
But what is better? Because I judge better through their eyes too. I am so ridiculously malleable, I can conform to anyone’s ideals without realising if I stop putting thought into it.
But maybe this isn’t a fault. Maybe this is feature of my extremely high openness. A trait I value highly in myself and others, and wouldn’t ever want to change. I love that I can see from many perspectives; I love that I can take another’s point of view without needing to effort it. I love that my mind can hear a word and explode with unexpected tangential inspiration that takes me to a place I couldn’t have prepared for, even though it often feels out of my control.
So if that makes me susceptible to the opinions of those I admire, perhaps I should just leverage that as best I can. Curate the circle carefully and strategically. Imagine they love me back, even when they don’t know me. And then let them loose in the room with me, and find out what they see.