I have often tangled myself up in my own words trying to make them palatable for other people.
I have also often gotten lost in pleasing only myself with them.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m being responsible with what I’m writing. I have the luxury of being able to be irresponsible, because less than ten people are likely to land here today. But, like many things, the effect is cumulative. And, hopefully, this blog will lead me, along whichever winding path it so demands I follow, to some kind of success. And by that point I will need to be responsible. So getting the balance right between speaking with clarity and authenticity, and avoiding harm to others with whatever I say, is something I need to be ever mindful of.
Many things I am engaging with now – this blog, anti-racism, awkward conversations, educating my child – I am engaging with, first and foremost, to get better at. I am grateful for that, because it allows me to bypass all the bullshit that my own brain, and the brains of others, have thrown my way about them. And it allows me to forgive myself, and maybe even to celebrate myself, for falling short in my pursuit of mastery. Because the whole point is to fall short in my pursuit of mastery.
I encourage you to engage with growth, and fall short in your pursuit of mastery. If nothing else, it is liberating. But it is also incrementally transformative.