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  • Accounting

    Something I have thought about quite a lot over the years is how, as a youngster, I lacked accountability. I was terrified of the consequences of being found out to have made a mistake, and I lived in an environment which made it easy not to be discovered. Culpability became this black box of horror… Read…

  • A strange compromise

    I don’t know what to do with this world. I don’t know what to do in it. I don’t seem to have the constitution, the circumstances, the expertise to contribute solutions to its biggest problems. I care deeply, but am impotent. The best I can muster is often to reassess the organisations I donate meagre… Read…

  • Running through

    I have been running again lately. Not a lot, just weekly for about 40 minutes. And I have a running playlist for when I do the running. David Goggins says listening to music while running is cheating, and I am inclined to agree. It is much easier to run when you’re listening to the right… Read…

  • Unfairly archived

    A few months ago, I got caught off guard by a photo of me, my son and his dad together. We looked happy. Happier than I remembered. Once I had looked at the same photo and saw evidence of the emptiness in my heart during its taking. I couldn’t see that anymore. It looked, now,… Read…

  • A convergence

    I have always been an over-ambitious and obstinate masochist. I have fought with that, and prided in that, I’ve denied it, and worried I’ve lost it. It has been my downfall on many occasions and, just as often, my only saving grace. I’ve written before about this proclivity, and also about how it seems to… Read…

  • Shatter me

    There have been a few times in my life where I have truly made a decisions because inside I knew I must. In those instances, the fear of what might happen, or even what definitely would happen, couldn’t challenge my knowing. I walked out, arms wide, ready to take the bullets. Of course, the bullets… Read…