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For the better

Wouldn’t we all like to come out of this better than we went in?

I am constantly at odds with myself, because I can’t decide what ‘better’ means.

Something I truly, earnestly, am aiming for is to become more ‘aligned’ – to fully integrate all parts of myself and have them working together toward a common goal.

If more aligned is better to me, which I can happily accept it is, then all I need to do is stop battling with myself about what better is.

But then…which part of me gets to decide? Which part of me has final say?

I believe that should be my highest self. The most evolved parts of me. The parts with the widest view. The wisest parts. The parts that refuse to create drama and fight dirty.

But the parts of me that eagerly ride along on the wave of fear and scarcity and ego are more than happy to employ underhanded tactics. They will win at all costs.

So what, then, is the solution to becoming better? What do you do when the thing you need to change to be better is the thing preventing you from changing it?

What a fucking circle jerk.

I don’t know the answer to this yet. But I am seeking it. And I hope that, with enough pereverence, I will duly find it.

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