If the quality of my writing is slipping, it’s because my commitment is waning.
In the past few days, this hasn’t felt like a devotional act – it’s felt like going through the motions and trying to make the most of it while I’m there.
But that, in and of itself is a devotional act. I should recognise that. It’s the underplayed, underrated devotion of the mundane grind.
My back hurts, I’m a little burnt out, I’m distracted and restless and not quite keeping things tight. I’m not as connected to the importance of writing this as I was even a few days ago. It’s all a bit muddy and hazy and loose.
The last time I tried this, it got difficult much more quickly to keep going. I only made it two weeks before I missed a day. To get even that far, I had to set the bar really low: write something, anything, and post it. Try to make it honest, try to make it true, but just make sure it’s something.
Once I dropped a day, I never got the rhythm back. It was a steep decline, and even when I climbed back aboard the wagon, the longest stretch I made it to was 5 days. It became highly negotiable.
That was a different life.
I’m into my fourth week now, and I haven’t felt precarious in it. And my standard is higher. I am really trying to create something valuable. I can see the value in this for me, and this time around it isn’t enough to write anything so long as I post it. That’s not what it’s about this time. These posts have to take me somewhere. Even if they don’t take you somewhere, they have to take me somewhere.
This is a new iteration.
So my commitment is waning. Yes. But it feels like a weak tide that will inevitably turn. I don’t think this light is at risk of blinking out just yet. I still open up a blank page and want to fill it with something meaningful. I still want to find words to articulate important things, and I still believe this process will help me to get there.
Trust the container, it will transform you.