I Can’t Be Bothered

Five days in and it’s already happened. I’m supremely tired and I feel weird and I don’t want to make my brain work. I started thinking ‘would it really matter if I didn’t blog today? Nobody’s actually reading it, it’s not like anybody really cares…” But of course that’s not the point. And it actually does matter if I don’t blog today. I’m not exactly sure what it would mean. But one thing it would mean is that I wasn’t blogging daily. And the point is to blog daily. There’s that whole spiral I could go down of ‘if I miss today, what’s the big deal missing tomorrow? In fact, is there any point doing this at all?’ And the whole thing would be over in four entries.

That would be so me.

I am getting much better at consistent action, though. At holding myself accountable for things I decide to do. I’m still not great at it, I must freely admit. Even now, there’s still a part of me saying ‘ohh just leave it for now, you could finish it off tomorrow’. But I’ve started recognising that it’s not really about being motivated. Or being inspired. It’s just about doing it. Really doesn’t matter what thoughts you have or how you feel about it. Either you do it, or you don’t. And, mostly, doing it is better than not doing it.

I mean, certainly, in this scenario, doing it a bit shit is better than not doing it at all. I’m not really dealing in high stakes material here, am I? The whole idea is ‘daily blog’. No further specifications. I didn’t even really have to write about anything. I could have blagged a one liner. But I think I’ll save that for another time, when I really need it.

The funny thing is, I like doing this. I love writing. I don’t really want to stop now I’ve started. It’s just getting over the thinking part. Like going to the gym. Okay, I hate going to the gym. I never go to the gym. I probably like the idea of going to the gym a lot more than anything involved in actually going to the gym. But if you’re one of those people who go to the gym and like it once they start and feel good about it, but aren’t quite the superheroes that jump out of bed for it in the morning, then maybe you know where I’m coming from.

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