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July 2017

The Last Push

11 days late, my son was born into the world under slightly different circumstances than I had planned or would have liked. I had missed my opportunity to have a home birth and so, after holding off for as long as I could, we headed into hospital not much before 11pm. We were shown into… Read More »The Last Push

Interval

I had started writing a post on the 17th, albeit never getting past the title, contemplating the idea that I was somewhat responsible for my son’s delayed exit/entrance. I have a tendency to claim unnecessary responsibility, it’s true, but considering anxiety, for instance, is shown to slow labour, I had to come to terms with the… Read More »Interval

Still waiting

While pre-labour things have been happening intermittently for quite a while now, still nothing has officially kicked off. So Malachi is now a week ‘overdue’, although of course we’re still within a pretty normal timeframe. My timeframe for a home birth, on the other hand, is almost over, as there is only a midwife on… Read More »Still waiting

Mother Bog

A while ago I posted about my discovery of Cors Caron bog in Wales. It was a quiet place. Often I’d visit on dreary days and never see another soul. I’d walk around the boardwalk, talking freely out loud to myself about all manner of strange and spiritual matters. Occasionally I’d get caught out by a… Read More »Mother Bog

Tick tock

I thought it was all kicking off in the night. I awoke to pain and contraction, a weird wave sensation and a stabbing in my cervix. And it kept going. It faded and returned. Things continued this way for some time. I thought ‘this must be it’. And then I thought ‘FUCK, THIS MUST BE IT’.… Read More »Tick tock

Embracing pain

Tonight I am very awake. Unusually awake. Suspiciously awake. To my recollection, I’ve been awake all day. We even went out for a substantial walk earlier. Ordinarily heavily pregnant Yve would have been exhausted. But here I am, tip-tapping away, positively bouncing in my chair. So of course one may wonder if something is about… Read More »Embracing pain

Never go to bed angry

Why is going to bed with an argument still hanging over you so damaging to a relationship? Perhaps because the wounds fester for longer, and are less likely to receive any kind of treatment at all; instead left to their own devices to heal in twisted and chronically painful ways. That seems to explain quite a lot. But I… Read More »Never go to bed angry

Any day now…

Jeez, it’s getting closer. I mean, it was always getting closer, but then it started getting close, and now it’s even closer than close. There is a lot to be apprehensive about, and a lot to be excited about. Overall, though, I find myself oddly…mellow. This could be the exhaustion. It could be all the feelings… Read More »Any day now…

Things I Want My Son To Learn

A while ago now, probably a few weeks ago, when the walk into the town centre and back didn’t seem too arduous to attempt on my own, I had a mid-walk idea. The idea that I wanted to compile a list of skills, concepts, ideas, strategies, and knowledge of all kinds that I feel are… Read More »Things I Want My Son To Learn

A flash of insight

As I was diligently unravelling and folding the ridiculous surplus of packaging material that surrounded our nappy bucket that arrived this morning, I had a moment of self-realisation. I am a hoarder of potential. I mean, it’s obvious, really. But the epiphany was articulated with a kind of clarity that hasn’t been available to me before. See,… Read More »A flash of insight