I have been on an extended hiatus recently. At first it was because I got a sinus infection and my head was too filled with mucus to function adequately. And that went on for about a month. But then I simply needed some time to adjust. Because while my systems were offline they apparently got an upgrade.
So I’ve been seeing things differently, and feeling differently about my work. And as I’ve explored that, I’ve come to realise that part of what has happened is I’ve reconnected with aspects of myself I had become estranged from. Parts I had rejected and abandoned and disowned.
And let’s be clear, I’ve been working on my abandonment issues for a long time now. I’ve been digging into this kind of inner work for years.
But sometimes you just need time. Sometimes the revelations just need to come easy.
This wasn’t something I was trying to work on, although I was aware my work wasn’t done. It was, however, work I was open to. A topic I was receptive about. Guidance I was open to receive.
I like to think of periods of mundane illness as opportunities to cleanse and purge, nurture yourself and reassess things. My month of mucus was an intense period of just that, although it felt like it was happening just out of reach of my conscious grasp, because my head was so fuzzy. And this, in itself, pushed me even further into a state of allowance, which allowed for some alchemy to happen within me.
Once my head cleared, I was met with a new old me. It took me a while to understand, but somehow I had become reconciled with myself. There is work to do to get reacquainted – in my experience, change almost always requires some practical action, no matter how powerful the epiphany – but I have been altered.
And I look forward to more fully embodying my whole self.
Are there parts of you that have disappeared through the passage of time? Think about all the people you’ve been; all the versions of yourself that have existed. Do you miss any of them? Is it time to invite them back?
[image by Michael Dziedzic]