I can do forgiveness. Forgiving things that happened…I have that down, at least most of the time. But how do you forgive the ongoing, unfolding present? How do you forgive when you’re still on the battlefield? How do you forgive when you still, in a very real way, need to protect yourself? That is trickier. It’s a problem I only just realised I have. It’s a problem that my attention keeps getting drawn to.
I didn’t think I had forgiving left to do, honestly. I thought I was there. Still contracted, sure, still guarded, most definitely. But I thought I had forgiven.
If forgiveness wasn’t an issue, however, my mind wouldn’t keep getting stuck on it like there was something left to learn. So what do I need to learn? Time for some examination.
I can forgive the past, but what about the inevitable lurking future? And what about the fact I need to live like this; waiting for the pain of the next transgression? How am I doing forgiving that? Oh, that’s it. Nicely done. That’s where I find my lesson. No answers, but the right question.