I arrived blank tonight.
It happens sometimes.
Sometimes I am so filled with thoughts that I could sit here all day typing to the ether. Other times I need to find a thread to pull.
Tonight I need to find a thread, and though there are plenty to choose from, it is difficult to commit. This is a state I know as lethargy. I am tired. There is that. It’s later than it should be for me starting to write this. I’ve also been having the odd day of fatigue lately, and today was one of them. Perhaps it’s lockdown burnout. Perhaps it’s ascension. Perhaps it’s because I keep having the odd sip of my son’s oat milk, and I’m intolerant.
When this happens, my standard response is to write an observation of myself in lethargy. In the first iteration of this blog, that was probably the most frequent type of entry. For some reason it feels less pretentious. But it also, at this point, feels personally cliché, which is why I have avoided it.
How useful is it to get meta in my blog? I’m not sure. But metacognition – thinking about thinking – has played a large part in me becoming who I am, so I suppose it makes sense that it wants to show up so much.
It’s certainly a double-edged sword. I only recently clarified for myself the meaning behind double-edged sword. It’s not that it has two edges, but that the edge has been double sharpened, so it is especially dangerous. I like this better than the two edges I had always lazily imagined – a powerful tool, but easy to make a really fine mess with if you don’t know what you’re doing.
Yeah, I spent a lot of years accidentally cutting my own limbs off and getting it stuck in door frames. But I’m getting better.