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June 2020

Time to level up?

What am I doing? If I wanted to be a blogger, there are a whole lot of other ways I could be going about it that would be better than this. But I don’t, especially. I want to be a writer. And I think I only mean that in the most basic of senses. Just… Read More »Time to level up?

Straight lines

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. I’m bad at boundaries. Most people I know are bad at boundaries. Is that because most people are bad at boundaries? Or because only people who are bad at boundaries can tolerate people who are bad at boundaries? I notice, when I try to instate or uphold healthy boundaries, that a lot… Read More »Straight lines

Blurred vision

Have I been holding too tightly to my own point of view? Have I been refusing to see what they were trying to show me? Sometimes, pain constricts our vision – sometimes our field of view, sometimes our focus. I think I’ve fallen victim to that of late. So now I’m forcing myself to look… Read More »Blurred vision

Every wand’ring bark

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to make a decision and not waver. There is part of me that knows how to be unshakeable. At my core I am fixed in love, and if I drop down into that, I am certain. It’s my mind that wanders – looking for a new approach,… Read More »Every wand’ring bark

Please don’t go back to sleep

It would be a whole lot easier, wouldn’t it, if systemic racism didn’t exist? As a basically white person, it’d be a whole lot easier, and a whole lot more comfortable, to just go on as before, ignoring what I’ve seen play out over the past month. It’d be a whole lot easier to ignore… Read More »Please don’t go back to sleep

Aft agley

At the beginning of lockdown, I started finally ‘bedding in’ to my flat. I started putting things on the wall, and growing plants in the garden. I started assuming I would be here for a while, and acting accordingly. I’ve rarely lived in a place for longer than a year. Often shorter. I have a… Read More »Aft agley

The mess

Life is messy. I’m sure I’ve talked about this before. I wholeheartedly support life being a mess. I believe it is really the only way for it to ever be beautiful. And so, many times, I have made it a point to embrace the mess…until the overwhelming compulsion to clean up the whole debacle has… Read More »The mess

Underwhelming realities

For me, there’s a tension to everything right now. I’ve been having new conversations, and people have been disappointing me. No-one is meeting me where I am, and I’m tired of having to do so much legwork. And I wonder if it’s worth it, or if I’m walking the wrong way. Confronting reality is often… Read More »Underwhelming realities

The extended debrief

I’ve been involved in some verbal conflicts over the past few days. It’s quite unusual for me, but I have been realising lately it’s something I need to get more accustomed to. The online space is one thing, but face to face, in real time, conflict has a greater effect on my heart rate than… Read More »The extended debrief

Dishonest conversations

I’ve heard a few different arguments against using the word ‘privilege’ in my discussions. In recent years I have tried to take other people’s word at face value, to guard against too heavily projecting my own ideas. I’ve trained myself, even when I know they’re not giving me the truth, and especially when I know… Read More »Dishonest conversations