Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
I’m bad at boundaries.
Most people I know are bad at boundaries.
Is that because most people are bad at boundaries? Or because only people who are bad at boundaries can tolerate people who are bad at boundaries?
I notice, when I try to instate or uphold healthy boundaries, that a lot of people don’t like it. My first thought, of course, is that I’m doing it wrong. Which may be true. But I suspect it’s probably more to do with violated expectations.
I also notice, when I try to instate or uphold healthy boundaries, that I often don’t really like it either. It’s hard work. It’s effort to maintain the balance of empathy and kindness with drawing lines. I fuck it up a lot.
I also notice, though, that when other people set clear boundaries, I love it. It doesn’t happen that often, but I feel so free when it does.
So I know what I am chasing: People to draw adjoining shapes with.