Skip to content

February 2021

The Missing Void

I’d make a good monk. In fact, I often fantasise about a reality in which I ran away to live in solitude and dedicate myself purely to the pursuit of spiritual understanding. Even as a non-religious kid, the idea of becoming a Christian nun was oddly appealing to me. I’ve spent a reasonable amount of… Read More »The Missing Void

The Next Source

My friends organised a virtual murder mystery party the other night, and I was assigned a flamboyant celebrity character to embody for the night. And, not long into the night, I thought, yes, I’ve missed this. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about certain aspects of myself that I have disowned over the years. One… Read More »The Next Source

Insignificance

I’ve spent a lot of my day poring over data for my master’s thesis. The data is messy, and deciding how best to deal with it has required some furrowed brows. In the end, my furrowed efforts were not fruitful – at least not in the traditional sense. I have yielded insignificant results. Now, the… Read More »Insignificance

Renovate the ponds

When I was a kid I knew I was a big fish in a small pond. My immediate environment did very little to challenge my innate capacity. In fact, no one had any real idea of my true capacity. Nobody ever really thought to check, or knew how to check, or had the time and… Read More »Renovate the ponds

Dicky-Dancing

I take too much responsibility for other people’s feelings. I’m excruciatingly tuned in to how other people are feeling. It took me a long time to learn that a whole bunch of those feelings are nothing to do with me. People are complicated creatures living complicated lives, and they didn’t just emerge from the abyss… Read More »Dicky-Dancing

In Spirit

My last post made me feel a little bit vulnerable. Like I wanted someone who actually knew Adam to tell me it was okay to talk about him like that. Like the idea of showing it to them made me want to crawl into a hole and cover myself with mud. I have learned throughout… Read More »In Spirit

Impossible possibilities

One day, in the autumn of 2017, I was sitting in the cafe of the local library with my boyfriend and our few month old son. My coffee was too hot, we didn’t have much to say to each other, and I was scrolling through Facebook. The world around me went quiet as I lighted… Read More »Impossible possibilities