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Yve

A convergence

I have always been an over-ambitious and obstinate masochist. I have fought with that, and prided in that, I’ve denied it, and worried I’ve lost it. It has been my downfall on many occasions and, just as often, my only saving grace. I’ve written before about this proclivity, and also about how it seems to… Read More »A convergence

Shatter me

There have been a few times in my life where I have truly made a decisions because inside I knew I must. In those instances, the fear of what might happen, or even what definitely would happen, couldn’t challenge my knowing. I walked out, arms wide, ready to take the bullets. Of course, the bullets… Read More »Shatter me

Oops

I don’t like it here now. Environment dictates our behaviour and I have created a space I don’t want to be in. This was why I’d paid for someone else to handle the environment. But then I became dissatisfied with fine and wanted better. And then I remembered how much effort better was. How many… Read More »Oops

Did I break it?

When I made the decision to transition away from my comfortable, taken-care-of, type-and-click blog set-up, I thought I was more than ready for what I anticipated as a marginal increase in time and energy investment. And then, immediately, I reconsidered, when I found myself spending hours tinkering instead of writing, without much to show for… Read More »Did I break it?

Face it

My response to taking more tangible ‘ownership’ of my blog seems to have been fairly predictable, in that I promptly disengaged from writing it. I don’t think it was necessarily as simple as that, but it was also definitely as simple as that. A micro expression of what was happening in the macro. I was… Read More »Face it

On the hook

I am now, officially, entirely responsible for all the inadequate design choices on this site. Some of them are simple mistakes I’m still catching. Some, undoubtedly, are in fact my misguided taste. Either way, it’s all my fault. I was paying more than I needed to to keep this thing going, because I wanted to… Read More »On the hook

Who am I to be?

I’m at an interesting place in my life. A place of dissatisfaction, curiosity, boredom, frustration, possibility, confusion, excitement, resignation…a lot of strands of experience are coalescing into my present moment. It started with an unavailable man. Most of my stories start with unavailable men. I had been annoyed that I hadn’t been able to find… Read More »Who am I to be?

Husky mind

Recently, I was rejoicing quietly about the fact that I had been communicating with people in a professional capacity without excessive post-comms rumination. I didn’t do anything directly to attain this freedom, though I thought I might be able to trace its provenence. Regardless, it felt like I’d magically put things in their rightful place,… Read More »Husky mind

Take the shirt off my back

I think I’m at risk of starting to look like a homeless person. You see, my eras are defined sartorially. I buy clothes, I wear them ’til they break, I keep wearing them until the situation becomes untenable, I fix the clothes, I wear them ’til they’re unfixable, and then I reluctantly toss them and… Read More »Take the shirt off my back

The lost meander

I think something I have missed over the last year is living slow. Not that I can say I’ve been living fast, exactly. More like I’ve been running along the knife-edge between adequate accomplishment and exhaustion. Getting the things done I needed to get done when I needed to get them done, and then crashing… Read More »The lost meander