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The Posts

  • I asked for it

    I asked ChatGPT to roast me and it did a hilariously ego-checking job. “Your blog reads like a never-ending therapy session where the therapist has left the room and you’re just talking to the empty couch.” Well, that’s hit the nail on the head so neatly it’s not even funny. “It’s… Read more

  • Well wishes

    As you may imagine, I have in my possession a vast array of notebooks. The first draft of most of what I find important begins with paper and pen. And while any scrap will often do, I also have a library of pre-prepared trees for a compendium of anticipated use cases.… Read more

  • Ride the Lightning

    I met Metallica once. It wasn’t much to brag about – it was a festival meet-and-greet that I didn’t earn or really appreciate – but it’s a card I sometimes pull out to fast-track connection with a certain demographic of acquaintance. I was maybe fifteen and, though I was only really… Read more

  • Keep The Faith

    Some of my most vivid early childhood memories are of Bon Jovi VHS tapes. Mostly I watched them. Sometimes I played with them. Sometimes I simply laid them on the floor and admired them. Those memories hit me as I started watching the new Bon Jovi docuseries. I knew they were… Read more

  • Lex

    For my nineteenth birthday, I dragged my friends to a rock bar, and then a rock club, drank a likely obscene amount of vodka, put eyeliner on my bandmate, and moshed the night away with a big guy with a mohawk. Maybe I made out with him, that sounds like teenage… Read more

  • Wherever you go

    The one thing I wanted as a kid was to get out of my town. I hated it. It symbolised entrapment, drudgery, isolation, futility. I dreamed of running away, or being abducted, or the apocalypse coming and embarking on some barren adventure through the wastes of a scorched earth. Yes, I… Read more

  • Things we cannot escape

    There are many examples of suffering in the world. Always. But, especially, it seems, right now. I don’t have the credentials to speak to most of it. But I have suffered. And I can’t gauge how much, exactly – there is no adequate metric. But I’ve suffered enough that I thought… Read more

  • Action!

    I prefer my words written. It lets me have them organised; at least by the time you see them. If I can’t practice what I’m going to say, I’m a bit scared to say it. Until I hear it, I don’t quite know what it’ll be. Sometimes it’s genius. Sometimes it’s… Read more

  • The right metric

    Before I quit my job I worked in data analytics. I wasn’t quite a wizard, but I could certainly baffle the townsfolk with my fine displays. I enjoy playing with metrics. So I thought, at first, I would keep doing that, at least for a while. That data wrangling would be… Read more

  • Adequate signage

    Many things can happen only in iterations. When we can’t know how the pieces will behave until we let them loose in the world, we learn primarily through failure. And that kind of learning can be…enchanting, actually. It can be so much fun when something breaks in an unexpected way, and… Read more

  • Shy bairns

    There’s a saying round these parts: Shy bairns get nowt. If you don’t ask for it, you won’t get it. A friend of mine changed it to shy bairns get plenty. I like it. It speaks of a satisfaction with life, and an acceptance of self, that I appreciate. But I… Read more

  • …and bad jokes

    Once Upon A Time in 2022, after my catastrophic failure adding Leonard Cohen to the hen party playlist, the person who had first brought the issue of the ‘haunted music’ to my attention returned upstairs ahead of me. Consequently, a minute or so later, I was climbing the stairs to the… Read more

  • The nature of the waves

    I’ve done it again. I’ve been hoarding drafts. Things always seem, for me, to come in waves. The urge swells from within, breaches the surface, breaks, then dissipates. And I am left waiting for the next one. In all things, this seems to be the way, and no matter what I… Read more

  • Professional human

    In all areas of our life, we humans seek to connect with other humans. This is a fact I know very well intellectually, but have been quite poor at integrating. You see, historically, I have had a tendency to corral myself into roles that I then have trouble switching out of.… Read more

  • Bad Jokes

    Once Upon A Time in 2022, my friend had a hen party on my birthday. The details aren’t especially important to the story, but I like the way the sentence sounds. As part of the preparation for the hen party, we compiled a party playlist. Now, I contributed some excellent specimens… Read more

  • First, Art. Then, Marketing.

    There is Art. And there is Marketing. If you can’t find art in the work that you do, then you’re probably doing it wrong. And if you can’t proclaim the worth of the work that you do, then you probably don’t know what you’re doing. But you can’t extol the virtues… Read more

  • Seven years, five lessons

    I have been…’blogging’…here for nigh on seven years. Sometimes it was daily, sometimes I disappeared for months at a time. Sometimes I told my dearest stories, sometimes I barely scraped together a meaningful sentence. Always it was for me and no-one else, and always the potentially public nature of it was… Read more

  • Interesting choices

    I tried TikTok once. As in I tried making some TikToks. It was a short-lived effort because it was an all-consuming dopamine farm with very little real-world utility. Just another carcass in the elephant graveyard of my endeavours. But I just looked back on them. And I like them. I like… Read more

  • Under the sky

    It’s amazing the clarity that can come just from standing under the sky for a few quiet moments. It’s something I forget to do – it’s easy to get caught up in work, or chores, or scheduled activities. Easy to keep the quiet reflection for bedtime. But there is a quality… Read more

  • Petty Fraud

    I’ve felt like a fraud sometimes lately. Because the things I’m trying to do aren’t yet done. It’s a vulnerable place to stand, and my defense mechanism in such circumstances is to preempt, and then inhabit, my harshest critics. So sometimes I declare myself a fraud, and suggest I climb back… Read more

  • Art.

    Something I have been trying to let myself do more lately is Art. Real art. Not just writing, or poetry, or fiction. Not just creative output, but art. Trying to give my words the space to become more than they already are. For some people, this is the only way, but… Read more

  • Precious thing

    I have a tendency to burn through things. I ‘ve alluded to this a few times here – I believed it was simply an occupational hazard of living in my brain. But I think I’m starting to understand something different. I don’t think the burnout is inevitable. I think it might… Read more

  • Sad and unavoidable

    There is a certain look that is often played on the face of beautiful, egotistical, fragile, struggling male characters in TV shows, and every time I see it, it takes me back to a different time. I recognise that look intimately. I thought the connection to it would have faded with… Read more

  • Abandoned trails

    I was out walking the other day, thinking about my lack of expertise. Wondering what the thing I would talk about would be if I had to spontaneously give a talk. And thinking it might be horses, because I niched down enough there to be uncommon in my knowledge, even though… Read more

  • Perfection 2.0

    The other day I wrote of perfection, and how it hasn’t been something I have historically coveted. And while I was writing that, I had a quick search through my old posts to see if I was fooling myself. Having found no such evidence, I clattered on happily. Then, yesterday, I… Read more

  • Perfection

    I am not one, ordinarily, to fuck around with the idea of perfection. I have vehemently avoided it since my early teen years when my friend and I used the code name ‘Nobody’ for a crush and when anybody would say ‘well, nobody’s perfect’ we would titter amongst ourselves and agree.… Read more

  • Flare

    I’ve told a lot of stories on this blog about why this blog exists. They’re all true. Even if they contradict each other, they’re all true. Humans are stupid like that – we’re clumsy walking paradoxes. But one reason, which I think I’ve held closer to my chest than the others,… Read more

  • Without words

    I would have probably had an easier time with human connection if I lived before the advent of complex language. Before we possessed the ability to communicate our profound weirdness to each other. I would have imagined everyone as beautifully weird as me, in just the same ways as me. Give… Read more

  • Accounting

    Something I have thought about quite a lot over the years is how, as a youngster, I lacked accountability. I was terrified of the consequences of being found out to have made a mistake, and I lived in an environment which made it easy not to be discovered. Culpability became this… Read more

  • A strange compromise

    I don’t know what to do with this world. I don’t know what to do in it. I don’t seem to have the constitution, the circumstances, the expertise to contribute solutions to its biggest problems. I care deeply, but am impotent. The best I can muster is often to reassess the… Read more