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Confessions

The nature of the waves

I’ve done it again. I’ve been hoarding drafts. Things always seem, for me, to come in waves. The urge swells from within, breaches the surface, breaks, then dissipates. And I am left waiting for the next one. In all things, this seems to be the way, and no matter what I do, I don’t seem… Read More »The nature of the waves

Bad Jokes

Once Upon A Time in 2022, my friend had a hen party on my birthday. The details aren’t especially important to the story, but I like the way the sentence sounds. As part of the preparation for the hen party, we compiled a party playlist. Now, I contributed some excellent specimens to the list; from… Read More »Bad Jokes

Art.

Something I have been trying to let myself do more lately is Art. Real art. Not just writing, or poetry, or fiction. Not just creative output, but art. Trying to give my words the space to become more than they already are. For some people, this is the only way, but for me, the inclination… Read More »Art.

Accounting

Something I have thought about quite a lot over the years is how, as a youngster, I lacked accountability. I was terrified of the consequences of being found out to have made a mistake, and I lived in an environment which made it easy not to be discovered. Culpability became this black box of horror… Read More »Accounting

A strange compromise

I don’t know what to do with this world. I don’t know what to do in it. I don’t seem to have the constitution, the circumstances, the expertise to contribute solutions to its biggest problems. I care deeply, but am impotent. The best I can muster is often to reassess the organisations I donate meagre… Read More »A strange compromise

Oops

I don’t like it here now. Environment dictates our behaviour and I have created a space I don’t want to be in. This was why I’d paid for someone else to handle the environment. But then I became dissatisfied with fine and wanted better. And then I remembered how much effort better was. How many… Read More »Oops

Who am I to be?

I’m at an interesting place in my life. A place of dissatisfaction, curiosity, boredom, frustration, possibility, confusion, excitement, resignation…a lot of strands of experience are coalescing into my present moment. It started with an unavailable man. Most of my stories start with unavailable men. I had been annoyed that I hadn’t been able to find… Read More »Who am I to be?

Take the shirt off my back

I think I’m at risk of starting to look like a homeless person. You see, my eras are defined sartorially. I buy clothes, I wear them ’til they break, I keep wearing them until the situation becomes untenable, I fix the clothes, I wear them ’til they’re unfixable, and then I reluctantly toss them and… Read More »Take the shirt off my back

The kindness of strangers

I don’t know if you know this, but I come here to, like, work my shit out. And it’s becoming increasingly apparent that the other methods I employ probably aren’t as good as this one. For some reason, writing myself clean with a dose of radical-though-likely-subconsciously-biased honesty, in front of downwards of a hundred strangers… Read More »The kindness of strangers

Tweet tweet

I have waded into Twitter. It seems a weird time to do that. Not because I have particular opinions on how Elon is managing things, given my up-to-this-point complete lack of investment, but more just because…Elon is managing things. And my coincidental presence feels like a statement that I’m not qualified or inclined to make.… Read More »Tweet tweet