There have been a few times in my life where I have truly made a decisions because inside I knew I must. In those instances, the fear of what might happen, or even what definitely would happen, couldn’t challenge my knowing. I walked out, arms wide, ready to take the bullets. Of course, the bullets… Read More »Shatter me
I think something I have missed over the last year is living slow. Not that I can say I’ve been living fast, exactly. More like I’ve been running along the knife-edge between adequate accomplishment and exhaustion. Getting the things done I needed to get done when I needed to get them done, and then crashing… Read More »The lost meander
I just went through and deleted all of my drafts. Most of them were unplanted seeds – random thoughts I liked the feel of but never enough to nurture into more than a few sentences. A few were complete, unpublished entries written by a person in a different place and time. Eloquent, witty, no longer… Read More »Decision tree
I have been playing with ChatGPT a bit lately. It’s an excellent crutch for people like me who question their every move with cripplingly minute detail. I can ask it questions I already know the answer to, and have it soothe me with vague validation that henceforth emboldens me toward action. I can ask it,… Read More »Chatty
There are so many beautiful, brutal, exquisitely illuminating human experiences playing out all over the world every single moment. Sometimes I imagine them, and wonder if they’re real. Sometimes I wonder if all our imaginings are simply us being offered a glimpse of another’s reality. Another being; another time; another world. Would that be more… Read More »Imagining
There is so much to grieve. Who we could have been. Who we’ll never be. What we could have had. What we did have and lost. What we’ve never been, and will never be, even anywhere close to having. There is so much to grieve. And so little time to grieve in. We could live… Read More »Grief
I grew up into a person who believed very strongly in self-sufficiency. In every sense. It was not only what I sought to achieve, but also something I believed was necessary for me to achieve in order to become worthy. I don’t think it was just an unreasonable ideal I was chasing to validate myself.… Read More »Off the grid
I’ve been diverting a lot of my time and energy to working on my novel lately. I had thought, around Christmas, that I would commit to posting every day in the new year, as a way of honouring my faithfulness to writing. But then it dawned on me that my novel draft was written, and… Read More »Off to a good start
Sometimes, I look in the mirror and think FUCKING HELL, I’M FUCKING GORGEOUS! The world should be expressing endless gratitude for the privilege of gazing upon my fucking splendour, so magnificent is my visage! Then, other times, I let out an involuntary vocalisation as I am physically accosted by my own tired, grey appearance. I… Read More »Stone cold fox
I went to a silent art auction last night at a local university, amidst a raging British storm. That is, a fairly-mild-by-all-accounts-but-exciting-to-us-folk-who-don’t-experience-real-storms storm. My friend had submitted a piece and so we turned up to represent. It was unexpectedly packed to the brim with art students. Not that we had any idea what to expect,… Read More »Pulling the thread