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self-mastery

The nature of the waves

I’ve done it again. I’ve been hoarding drafts. Things always seem, for me, to come in waves. The urge swells from within, breaches the surface, breaks, then dissipates. And I am left waiting for the next one. In all things, this seems to be the way, and no matter what I do, I don’t seem… Read More »The nature of the waves

Running through

I have been running again lately. Not a lot, just weekly for about 40 minutes. And I have a running playlist for when I do the running. David Goggins says listening to music while running is cheating, and I am inclined to agree. It is much easier to run when you’re listening to the right… Read More »Running through

Openings

I’ve been trying lately to dedicate myself to projects that may not have any perceivable outcome. To get fully immersed and commit chunks of time that I won’t get back, in exchange for nothing but the knowledge that I did so. Things that have little to no hope of earning money or gaining acclaim. I… Read More »Openings

Covert Recalibration

I surprised myself today. I’ve had a rhetoric going for a while that I don’t really have trouble doing what needs to be done, but I’m bad at doing what I want to get done. Because there are no consequences to not doing the things I just want to get done. And I don’t want… Read More »Covert Recalibration

Easy enough

Jesus fucking Christ I started this blog over four and a half years ago. Imagine if it had been successful??? Could have changed my fucking life! The thing is it did. It has completely served its purpose every step of the way – it has done everything I’ve ever asked of it. I just never… Read More »Easy enough

Retrieve the fucks

Someone keeps stealing my fucks. I had a nice week of writing and running the week before last. And all those steps and all those words were pulling my life into order. And all that directed effort was coalescing into a sense of purpose. I was sleeping better, I was eating better, I was doing… Read More »Retrieve the fucks

A mild quarrel

I had plenty of sleep last night, and woke up feeling lively. My son and I danced, and made stamp pictures, and talked about Pokemon, and were out earlier than usual to get some things to supplement our breakfast from the local shop, which we then enjoyed as a sort of mini morning picnic on… Read More »A mild quarrel

Give me more

There is a part of me – a significant, and close to the surface part – that enjoys a good bit of pain. A part of me inclined toward overexertion, obsession, and prodding open wounds. Most of the time, if you give me pain, you’ll see me smirk with a glint in my eye. Go… Read More »Give me more

Waiting for the shoe

I ran again this evening – I’d mapped out a 1.6 mile loop from my house and I did that and a bit extra and then I walked to the shop. I took it easy, because I don’t know how to run properly, I know most people don’t run every day, and it especially doesn’t… Read More »Waiting for the shoe

Twice round the block

I decided to start running a few days ago. I ordered my shoes, they arrived ahead of schedule, and then I bashed my foot and knelt on a screw while modifying my son’s bed. Which I found quite amusing, because it’s a bit of a pattern for me to injure myself right after I’ve decided… Read More »Twice round the block