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It’s not time to move on

I don’t really understand how people are talking about anything else. I really don’t understand how people are talking about anything else.

Especially the people who never fucking talked about it in the first place.

Are you honestly just fucking living your life like this didn’t happen? Are you not consumed by and buried under dark, burning emotion? Rage? Fear? Awakening? Wondering what you can do? Moving precariously, knowing that this is simultaneously not your fight, and very much your fight?

And I’m not entitled to this indignation, because there are countless similar moments in history that have not stirred me to meaningful action, because I did not see. But, still, I am indignant. This time, I see.

I don’t know many black people. I don’t know many people. If you’re black, and you’re reading this, you’re probably the only one. Feel free to call me out if anything I write is stupid. But to the modest ensemble of non-black people who have ended up here (like I said, I don’t know many people), WE MUST DO BETTER. I am sick of the vast majority of us right now.

I am sick of white silence.

I am sick of black squares and no follow through.

I am sick of white people defending their good intentions.

I am sick of white people defending other white people’s good intentions.

I am sick of us not fucking getting it.

I’m exhausted, bewildered, scared, overwhelmed and irritable as all hell. So fucking IMAGINE HOW BLACK AMERICANS MUST BE FEELING. However you are feeling right now, whether this is weighing heavy on you or you’ve brushed it aside as someone else’s problem, please just fucking take a moment, and IMAGINE HOW BLACK AMERICANS MUST BE FEELING right now. And then try to act accordingly.

And, look, I don’t know what the fuck to do, so I sympathise with your apprehension and mistakes. I’m totally out of my depth. I’ve spent a good deal of time today worrying that the poster in my window that I made with my toddler as a show of solidarity is too colourful and somehow offensive given the sombre circumstances. And I’ve also worried that all the white British people going past will think it’s silly and overkill and weird. Yeah. Fuck that. But my point is that there is legitimately a lot of hard emotional work for us to do if we want to find our place in this movement, and I can see how prohibitive that can make it seem.

We have to fucking push through it. I am not well-informed enough yet to articulate to you how important it is that we get on board with this, but it’s fucking important.

So if you want to have a conversation, privileged person to privileged person, about how we can do better, let me know.

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