It’s funny how we take things in. We breathe things into us from outside, and they become part of us, and we forget who we were without them. Ideas, judgements, limitations, beliefs, points of view…sometimes they’re useful, and sometimes they’re really, really not.
If we noticed it was happening, perhaps we would use discernment. But it’s subtle. Invisible. Gradual. It’s not easy to catch.
I have absorbed so much that wasn’t mine, and I have let it become mine, even though it’s toxic to me. Over the past few years in particular, I’ve breathed in judgements which conflict with the way I want to live, and I’ve let them sever my connection with my true desires. It is taking a long time to undo that damage. It took a long time to even realise it was there. I regret how far it has pushed me astray.
The solution, now that I’ve realised, is to curate the air I breathe: The people I let into my space and my heart, the environments I dwell in and move through, the content I consume.
It’s kind of analagous with covid-19, isn’t it? Until such a time as I am no longer vulnerable to it (which may be never, I’m not sure) I need to isolate myself from contaminated sources. It’s a sacrifice, but goddamnit it’s worth it – I can feel it already.